Unhappy Pregnancy

Unhappy Pregnancy

“Unhappy Pregnancy 🤰🏼 This picture was taken the night I went into labor. I remember my father telling me that he had an idea of what he wanted and it wasn’t working out, the focus was off. That was how my entire pregnancy felt – blurred, just slightly but enough to know it wasn’t what you’d pictured in your mind.

I suffered when I was pregnant.
I suffered from paranoia about miscarriage.
I suffered from worry about everything from money to where we were living to what car we drove.
I suffered from physical pain in my hips and my back.
I suffered from the strain of dealing with my gestational diabetes.
I suffered from running out of room in my own body.

I worried a lot too.
I worried that I wasn’t going to survive childbirth.
I worried I would lose my friends.
I worried my marriage would end.
I worried I wouldn’t be enough.
Not enough for those friends or my partner or that Baby.
Not enough for myself.

I lost myself a little when I was pregnant.
I was one person on the outside and an extremely different person internally.
I cried almost every day.

Sometimes I feel like I want to have another baby solely to do it better.
To be better.
To have the opportunity to not fail myself so much.

Throughout my entire pregnancy there were probably slightly more bad days than there were good.
Throughout my entire pregnancy I loved my baby.
Feelings about your pregnancy and feelings about your baby are not mutually exclusive.

I wish I would have said that more often.
I wish I would have had the strength to be myself, to ask for help, to tell people that I am a pregnant human yes, but I am also just a human dealing with a very big life moment.

You can have a shit pregnancy and still love your baby.
You can have a great pregnancy and still have trouble bonding with your baby.
Those feelings are valid.
Those feeling matter.
And if you need someone to talk to about them, reach out.
You are not alone.”

Instagram: @loveofalittleone

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