Infertility is…

@while_we.wait “This is something I hate to admit. But in order to keep it “raw and real” it’s something I feel like I need to share.

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Last month, my younger sister informed me that she was pregnant with her second child. We were sitting on the couch in her living room while our husbands were working outside. Typically, informing your sister you are pregnant should be a joyous occasion, but my infertility made it a sad one instead.

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I could sense my sister was hesitant to tell me. She knows my husband and I have been struggling to have a baby of our own for the last 3 years. But when she said it, I couldn’t control the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that came over me. I congratulated led her and then we sat there silently, watching tv as I held back my tears.

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On the drive home, I informed my husband of the news because he asked why I was so quiet. He responded with “oh” and we both remained silent the rest of the drive, but this time I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. We were in the middle of starting our second IUI, so we were both very emotional at the time.

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Fast forward one month and I am nothing but happy for my sister. Not that I wasn’t happy for her initially, but I just felt sad for my husband and myself at the time. It sucks to feel like people are constantly passing you by. Especially when you are trying so hard to have the same things they have.

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Am I still jealous of my pregnant sister? Duh! Is it a lot less? For sure. I think being happy for someone as you are in the midst of struggling to have the same thing is one of the hardest things a person can do. I commend all you ladies who try to do so.”

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