“This scar represents my birth story which isn’t easy for me to share. I still haven’t fully emotionally processed what I experienced from what I expected. I woke up to contractions at 3 am and waited until they were 2 mins apart to leave for the hospital. We checked into triage and were informed I was 1 cm dilated. The nurse had us walk around for an hour to speed dilation but I didn’t progress. Since my contractions were close I was admitted. I held off on drugs for hours trying to ride out the pain rolling through my body but I was tired and couldn’t bare it anymore. I took the epidural. As the day passed I progressed slowly. My doctor broke my water and I was given pitocin. By late evening, I reached 7 cm and was feeling hopeful until nurses came rushing in. Her heart rate plunged. They had me re-position my body several times to see if it would help. They came back and told me I had to have a C-section. I was devastated. I felt immense disappointment and fear come over me. My morale instantly depleted as they wheeled me into a bright and cold sterile room. My arms were trembling uncontrollably as I was laid on a table with my arms out. I was told I’d feel a little pressure but it was far more and I yelped. I kept thinking I want this to be over. I felt no pain but felt every ounce of pressure being placed on my body. I felt another immense strain as they pulled her from me. I heard her cry and my heart was so happy she was here. I thought it was finally over but my placenta still needed to be removed and the incision closed. I honestly couldn’t bare it anymore. I felt guilt as I desperately wanted to hold her but was so exhausted, still trembling and overwhelmed with grief from what I experienced that I was reluctant to be introduced to her this way. I could see her from afar getting checked with my husband by her side as I dozed off. I woke up in the recovery room nursing her with the help of a nurse and my husband. I locked eyes with her and fell instantly in love. I’m unbelievably thankful to have a healthy baby. We both made it. I’m coming to terms with my unexpected birth story that changed more than just my body with a scar.”
Instagram: @tisha.haynes
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