Mom Fear

“Yesterday I had my first “irrational mom fear” scare. I was driving on the freeway, with Willow in her car seat in the back after dropping off @justchelseanicole . When Willow started to cry. Now, IDK if it’s just my baby, but her cries have levels to it… they go from “hey I’m tryna get your attention… to “mom I’m dying why won’t you help me”!!
I tried to talk to her to comfort her because I obviously couldn’t stop at that moment. It would be about 5 minutes before I could find a safe place to stop and check on her. As her cry level got higher and higher, I called @nurseneazer and asked her to talk to me so my anxiety wouldn’t spike (therapy tip) as I’m talking to Chris and enjoying the distraction… I realized Willow stopped crying. Now that would have been great, but it was really abrupt. Like she went from screaming at the top of her lungs to complete silence. A rush of fear swept over me and I tried to look back at her to at least see if her feet were kicking, which they weren’t. I told Chris that Willow was too quiet.. and because she knows how bad my anxiety can get… she immediately attempted to assure me that Willow was ok… but by then it was too late. I immediately thought the worst and began to sob. Like a deep, horrific sob left my chest and once I heard myself I couldn’t stop. Finally I was able to find a safe place to pull over, and when I got out the car and got in the backseat to check her… Willow was peacefully looking at me… and even gave me a smile lol.”
At that moment I realized I had freaked out a bit, but the thought of her possibly not being able to breathe or somehow exhausting herself from crying led me to think to the unthinkable.
I wanted to have some sort of encouraging message at the end of this lol but no lesson was learned, at least not this time. I’m only 6 weeks into this motherhood journey so I’m sure one day I’ll find something beautiful to hold onto in those scary times… but as of now I don’t regret it.
Share with me your “mom fears” below so I know I’m not the only one lol.”

Instagram: @tiana__janine

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