“When my husband’s paternity leave was over, I turned into someone I almost did not even recognize.
I was always on the verge of crying.
I was always tense.
I was overwhelmed.
I count down the hours for his return.
And by the time he was here, it was bedtime.
The next day, everything was on repeat.
Sunrise until sunset.
It sent me into a spiral.
I wanted to be home all the time because the thought of leaving the house with three was terrifying.
I was only comfortable traveling within a five mile radius from home (you know, because heaven forbids one of the kids might lose it & it makes me feel better knowing I am closer to home).
It took me a while to gain some confidence leaving the house with three.
It took me a while to get some type of routine down.
It took me a while to finally ask for some help.
It took me a while to let go of my pride as a mother.
I do not have it all figured out & I do not HAVE to have it all figured out.
I admitted to my faults & my mistakes.
I tell myself I will try to do better tomorrow (this is a daily occurrence).
Eleven months later, I still have all of those anxious feelings but they are not as bad. I somehow managed to potty train both of my kids at the same time & within two days time. This is one of my proudest moments as a mom. Sometimes I forget to breathe & I have to remind myself how great it feels to inhale & exhale, often.”