“PTSD. It’s weird.
Ones minute I’m fine. I’m cleaning my house, feeding Adelyn, helping Silas with some summer math problems, then suddenly I’m not okay.
I feel my heart sink into my stomach, I feel pressure and heat just spread from my inner chest all the way down my arms and I feel like I can’t breathe. Suddenly I’m in the operating room again. The nurses are telling me to hold still, I’m asking about my baby girl, I’m away from my family, I’m confused. Then I’m fine again. To be honest, I really don’t know what’s triggering some of these moments. They are more infrequent now than before, but when they arise I really can’t pinpoint the moment that causes such flashbacks.
Maybe it’s because I’m on my period? Hormones related? I’m not in any pain, I physically feel fine, mentally I’m exhausted but what new mom isn’t? I don’t know. Also, I don’t really know what I’m afraid of either. I feel afraid when I have these moments but I’m not sure what of. Maybe just being out of control? There’s lots of questions flying through my mind.
PTSD is weird. It’s hard. It’s confusing. It’s exhausting.”