I Am Not a Failure

I Am Not a Failure

“I am not a failure 💪🏼

Last week I got the results that I was dreading… I failed my glucose test and I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

When that happened, I felt like a ton of bricks hit me and I couldn’t understand why it happened to me. I cried for about 24 hours straight. I felt victim to having the joy robbed from me on multiple occasions during this pregnancy.

First, a pandemic hit and I couldn’t celebrate simple things like an in person gender reveal with our loved ones, a normal baby shower, or simply visiting a baby store to shop around for baby products we might like.

Second, I was furloughed from my previous job and collecting unemployment for a few months early on in the pregnancy. The stress of that on anyone is life altering but add being pregnant to that and it’s straight up terrifying. (Luckily, I did find an amazing home at Homie and they have been nothing but supportive, kind and a loving second family during all of this. I LOVE YOU GUYS 🤟🏻)!

Third, this diagnosis. Why was this happening to me? I work out, generally ate well and have been trying to stay healthy overall for this sweet baby of mine. I basically couldn’t conceptualize handling any additional stress and anxiety on top of my normal everyday pregnancy worries. Plus, I have a history of body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Taking on a diagnosis where I’m under a microscope having to measure and report what I eat feels daunting, scary and extremely isolating.

SO why am I sharing this? It makes me feel extremely vulnerable but it’s not for pity or sadness. Rather, I think it will help me accept the diagnosis & I’m hoping to shed some light on a few things that I think are really important:

#1 – To educate people on what GD really is. At first, I felt embarrassed about the diagnosis. I was generally eating healthy and exercising 5-6 times a week. I had none of the GD risk factors and I couldn’t understand why I would be the one to have this… I quickly learned that GD has little to nothing to do with how you ate and everything to do with your placenta preventing the body from using insulin effectively. By your third trimester, your body should produce 3x more insulin to properly regulate blood sugar — apparently my body couldn’t hang 😉 Around 10% of all pregnant mammas are diagnosed and it goes away after the baby is born.

#2 – To keep it in perspective that no pregnancy is perfect. Every mamma is fighting her own battle in some way or another. Virtually hug your pregnant friends and tell them you love them. Times are dark already and going through any pregnancy challenge is tough by itself. Mix pandemic AND pregnancy challenges and you’ve got a mamma warrior in the making 💪🏼🦁

#3 – I would love to be a resource for anyone who is also going through this or who unfortunately may be diagnosed with GD in the future. Getting my diagnosis put me in an extremely dark place and I’ve had a few friends & Facebook groups who have helped keep me afloat. I encourage anyone to reach out with questions or if they need support. And to the moms who have been diagnosed with GD in the past, please message me. I’d love to hear how you’re doing now and/or how you got through it. I could always use some pointers and motivation 😊

So, to finish, I’m here to embrace the irony of my handle @sarahlikessugar. I will have to cut back on my sugar/carb intake and prick my finger 4x a day for the next three months but I can’t wait to meet my sweet little baby on the other side. 👶🏻 I know it will allll be worth it when I’m able to meet and hold my happy & healthy girl 💕 Love you, my sugar baby! Let’s do this.”

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