“It’s strange to say that out loud. Partly because miscarrying isn’t talked about enough but also because HU? How can that be? Well it can, it happened to me. “I’m sorry, the baby has stopped growing” is all I heard, but I wasn’t prepared for what was to come.
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I was recommended to take misoprostol. A pill that induces miscarriage so that I didn’t have to wait on my body to do it naturally. This would also help my HCG levels come down as they were above 40,000. I was also asked to catch my own tissue. That meant I had to run to the bathroom whenever I felt tissue coming out and sit on a plastic specimen collector on the toilet. I had to put all of it in a plastic bag and bring it into the clinic. They were hoping they could test my tissue to find out a reason for the miscarriage.
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After passing softball sized clots for hours, none of the tissue ended up being testable. They thought I still had tissue left so I took another round of misoprostol. This time I bled much more quickly and I wasn’t expecting it. I bled through the night which meant I went through 4 pairs of pajamas, undies and sheets, and oh yeah was also supposed to be catching tissue. I couldn’t walk the next morning because of all the blood I lost. But eventually I turned in the tissue. Still not testable.
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Weeks turned into months and I was continuously bleeding. My levels were still not down and I was almost 10 weeks past my first miso pill. So I went into the clinic for a hysteroscopy. And there it was, more tissue left over from the pregnancy that ended at the beginning of January, this was now the end of March. We had to move onto a D&C. Two days later I went into surgery. The miscarriage was finally ending.
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Going through that made me realize how a miscarriage doesn’t just last a day, or a moment in time, and in fact it was harder before it got easier. It’s traumatic, and then that trauma stays with you for life. So if you know anyone experiencing a miscarriage remind them often that you’re here for them, text them more than once. Check in with them periodically even if its been a few weeks. Miscarriages can last a very long time.”
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