“My birth plan did not go expected at all. My whole dream of how I had planned it was gone. After 2.5 days of laboring and trying everything possible to get baby to flip the right way, the Pitocin, fentanyl and an epidural I heard those dreading words I never wanted to hear “your baby is at a serious risk and we need to get you in for a c section immediately!” I lost it. It was a mix of fear, sadness, exhaustion, defeat and mourning. And before you ask what I mourned. I was mourning my dream my vision of how I wanted to birth my child.
A c section was the last thing I wanted and never in my plans. I felt like a complete failure.
Through all the tears, pleading, throwing up, head shaking and what if’s I realized that I wasn’t doing this procedure for me I was doing it for the health, safety and well-being of my baby. The beautiful little person that was created by the love of my husband and I. But I will say this: I’d go through all of it again for my daughter.
Mamas it’s okay to mourn your birth plan. It’s okay to be in your feelings. But just know that you’re not a failure.
REPEAT AFTER ME: I DID NOT FAIL
It’s okay to be sad or mad that you had to let go of your expectations. You’re not any less of a woman. You’re body is amazing, powerful and wonderfully made for this. The definition of birth does not say Vaginally Only.
Remember to heal your whole self. Body, mind and Soul.
Talk about it. Take time. Give yourself grace.”
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