“We find ourselves so afraid when approaching fertility clinics. We are already at the crossroads of a year or more of TTC. Having miscarriages and those negative pregnancy test that give us no hope. We start treatment not knowing what’s around the next corner. We ask ourselves “will this really work?”
We spend so much money, time and emotions on moving forward to always close our eyes and pray this is our turn. Till this day when I go to the bathroom I look for blood it’s habit for me. I hold my breath and say “let everything be okay.” Now with pregnancy as I approach my 3rd trimester the thoughts of stillborn haunt me. I have had several nightmares or a horrible delivery.
I was told by my mother “ I will never have children” which I know is negative and wrong and to let that go. All combined it all still haunts me.
How did we get so lucky on our first transfer working when I see so many that don’t! I have to remind myself we can’t control the next chapter of our lives but we can enjoy every moment we do have.
Our next chapter is bringing in our son to then doing another transfer which terrifies me to be honest. It’s okay to be afraid of what’s going on in the chapter your in it’s natural to be concerned just don’t let it take your joy and your life. I let it in the beginning of all this that I missed out on really enjoying my life. I saw everyone happy and I hated that because I was suffering inside. Your feelings are always valid but what you do with them can change you as a person. I haven’t found the key to this yet and when I get worried because I don’t feel Jaxson kick I close my eyes and change my mindset from panic to calm, collective and then I have a clear head to take my approach. Stay strong beautiful friends I know the feeling and all the fears. We stand together in this 🖤”