“November is #prematurityawarenessmonth and I wanted to share this letter I wrote last year.
Dear preemie mom,
I see you standing there longing to hold your baby. Afraid to sit down in fear you will miss something. Wanting them to know your there. Afraid to leave to be with your other children because what if something happens and you weren’t there.
I see you waking up to pump every couple of hours and remembering your baby isn’t there. You call the nurses every time just to know they are ok. You cry when your away and cry when your there. It’s constant fear and pain.
I see you walking into the hospital to see your baby wondering what the nurse has to report. Is it progress or did we take 6 steps back. Scrubbing your hands and arms thinking you just can’t get through the doors fast enough.
I see you trying to help the nurses but afraid to hurt your baby. Standing there not knowing what to say so you just cry and then sing “you are my sunshine” or “twinkle twinkle little star” on repeat because the nurses say they can hear your voice and it comforts them. You can’t talk to them normally with out breaking down.
I see you trying to hold it together when the nurse asks how your doing. Listening to the constant beeping. Washing your hands every 5 minutes. Longing to touch your baby and have skin to skin.
I see you passing another mom in the family room wanting some kind of friendship. After all we are all here for the same reason. Afraid to ask how her baby is doing but also afraid she will ask about yours. So you both sit in silence while you try to force food into your body because after all you are providing the nutrients to help your baby grow.
I see you watching the family excited on their going home day. Wondering how long they were there. Wondering how long you have left. Wishing it was your day. Feeling as though it will never come! Crying more.
I see you on your going home day. Your scared to death. No nurses. No beeps to say baby is ok or not. No weight checks. No instruction manual. Just you and a preemie! Just know you’ve got this!
A preemie mom