“I’m about to tell you a story and before you judge me or think “there’s no way I could ever….” – I thought that too. Until I was living proof.
It was late in the evening. I had announced the arrival of our second born to most close friends and family and i finally had some time to digest my own feelings.
I laid back in bed, looked down at him… and cried.
I felt empty. Detached. Sad. Confused.
I felt broken.
All I could think about was going home to my first born. Back to my life two days ago. I didn’t want to leave this new baby, but he didn’t feel like mine.
Through my tears, I texted a friend;
“I don’t think I love him.”
I was flooded with guilt. He deserved so much more and I wasn’t worthy of being his mom.
At least that what I thought.
But the truth was so much more complicated.
The truth is that attachment doesn’t always come at birth. I wasn’t broken, I just needed time. We needed time. A lot of time. I did love him. I do love him. Immensely. In every way imaginable. Unconditionally.
I’m sharing this because my experience was scary and confusing & I wish I knew back then that these things were “normal”. I will be sharing the whole story & how I dealt with all of this in the blog soon. (It brings up a lot of feels so it’s taking some time to write!)
Post by @terriannmichelle