I Resented My Husband After Kids

If you have resentment towards your partner after having children, you are not alone. 56% of our audience revealed they hated or resented their partners after children. We are sharing all the responses we received from our audience on why women resented their partners.

1. Thinks he doesn’t need to help because baby prefers me anyway. But mom NEEDS a break!
   
2. I contemplated divorce! Anything to get away from his useless ass
   
3. Has his own ideas of how to help without asking what I need help
   
4. He didn’t believe in PPD, he didn’t help me, we broke up when babies were 9 months
   
5. It inherently feels like moms do more work taking care of kids 24/7
   
6. My husband gets to go to bed early while I have to stay up to pump, wash bottles, do laundry
   
7. Feeling resentment when he is home and not working
   
8. I went through postpartum rage that made me freak out over small things! Only lasted 3-4 months
   
9. They don’t clean up better than you so even when you’re off duty you have to clean up later
   
10. I was doing all the night feeds and he wasn’t helping as much when he was home. Postpartum rage came
    
11. Lack of initiative is so hard to manage. Always having to ask him for help
    
12. Mixed. Loved seeing him as a father, but felt like he got it “easier” than me
    
13. Resented that he didn’t change like I was forced to- physically, emotionally mentally
    
14. He would sleep all night while I was up and wouldn’t even take baby so I can nap
    
15. More myself but also hubby. Postpartum rage was no joke. I should’ve gotten help
    
16. I feel like after 1 year, especially around 18 months it got so much better. But YES at first.
    
17. I’m a WFH mom so automatically that means I take on the brunt of housework
    
18. Even while pregnant the roles are uneven – all the prep/research falls on me
    
19. Sex just isn’t the same
    
20. He is just annoying! And doesn’t get ‘it’ sometimes
    
21. He pretty much is letting me do all the work
    
22. It was never 24/7 but it always felt like he didn’t have as many responsibilities
    
23. Even when I’m off duty you’re not because he needs my help with what to do
    
24. My husband asks 928,473 questions. When I know he is capable of just helping
    
25. The freedom he has to go golf/football at weekends instead of choosing family time
    
26. I have taken on the mental load of the household and he is ok to watch it happen
    
27. Felt like everything he did was wrong and it became harder to trust him
    
28. I hate that he needs to be asked to help/told specific instruction
    
29. Still expecting me to do all homework and work on top of primary parenting
30. He called me a bad mom during my 4th trimester and let my in laws take baby while I sleep
31. I struggle with what seems like the kids have changed me, but they haven’t changed him. I want him to grow with me!
32. Feels like my husband kept his freedom and I had to give mine up
33. I’d just get bubba to sleep and he’d turn over and sore (nearly smothered him with a pillow)
34. He got 8 hours sleep and I got 2. And he’d “offer” to help knowing he can’t BF the baby
35. My husband is amazing when it comes to our kids and helping me! I got so lucky!
36. He was a useless coparent and partner and I was abandoned.
37. Jealous every time he left the house on his own. Breastfeeding meant I could never go far alone
38. Wants to do things his way even if baby cries for longer. Won’t take suggestions
39. Wants to help but gives up after 30 mins and passes baby back
40. He didn’t work through his own mommy issues and it shows when I ask for help/support
41. The CONSTANT complaining OMFG. We get it. You’re tired. WAH
42. Doing all the work!
43. He spends 3+ hours daily playing video games…..
44. its like got a PP disorder too. Both of us together is just too much and we both have changed.
45. Never got up to help wanted to sleep all the time until I finally told him. He ruined motherhood
46. It feels like he gets so much time for himself than I do
47. He provides an unbelievable amount of support I never thought possible.
48. Being the default parent makes resentment grow!! Also, breastfeeding accentuates that
49. Felt more distant. Invisible load of motherhood is unbearable. He left for work so it got worse 🙁
50. After my first born I felt like he wasn’t assisting the way I would like. It’s better after baby number 2
51. IDK if I hated my husband. I hated the he doesn’t know what to do.
52. When you become a mom you change completely, but dads don’t.
53. I did resent him at times. He still got his free time and I didn’t Being a dad is easier.
54. We lost our first child at 14m old he left me, and eventually we got together.
55. He decided to sleep with someone we worked with multiple times
56. Yes. But it gets better. Carry on. Remember that a home with a mom and dad on the same team is better than having your kids go to their stepmoms every weekend.
57. So much resentment and anger, felt like I was drowning and he just watched
58. Helped a ton the first few weeks after that, had to ask for help anything child related
59. Thinks when I say I’m exhausted that I’m talking only physically and that he gets to say he is too
60. Sweetest guy before but never helpful after having my son 🙁
61. I am the default parent and he gets to do what he wants when he wants
62. Dads often ask moms 1 million questions like as if we have an answer book. Figure it out!
63. He is taking 3 months parental leave and is treating it like a personal vacation 
64. My husbands been a God send. I couldn’t possibly do this without him. Guess I’m lucky! 
65. I love him and appreciate him more
66. Wow some of the replies made me sad and thankful for my fiancé 100x more! 
67. Hate is strong, but deeply resented him. I did EVERYTHING. And that was a lot
68. He goes to work and I stay home with our son. He gets frustrated when I want a break when he comes home
69. Husband restfully sleeping while I nurse/pump, change diapers multiple times a night
70. The “ work 12 hours a day I’m tired: makes me feel disregarded as being a SAHM
71. No initiative! Like I shouldn’t have to say, hey how’s the baby’s diaper? Just check!
72. Wash, clean, cook, shower kids, take oldest to school. Pick her up while he sleeps until 4pm
73. I’m the default parent. I carry the mental load. He packs for 1. I  pack for 4. He doesn’t get it. 
74. He has no grit. I always show up for our boys. Especially when it gets hard
75. When he tells me “ I can’t do everything at the same time” example holding baby and cooking
76. Blood boiling rage at times. Very seriously believed that we were headed for divorce 
77. He has no initiative and suddenly ALWAYS needs to take a dump
78. I do everything
79. I always have to ask for help. Never volunteers
80. Filed for divorce at 9 months pp. Stayed, regret it now
81. He threw away all his hats except for his dad hat
82. It wasn’t specifically “him” it was the lack of sleep. Feeling touched out all the time etc. 
83. Can’t deal with cleaning up after him too and the little help with housework etc
84. The mental load is extremely unbalanced. It is exhausting. Also EBF is so hard on mom
85. I hate when I get a free moment to just rest, as soon as the baby cries, it’s always “he’s hungry”
86. Def during the newborn phase when we were both sleep deprived! After 6 months mark, things just got MUCH better
87. It’s not so much the physical load as the mental load 
88. I feel like I’ve been doing this on my own from the beginning 
89. He really wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was just EXHAUSTED and got annoyed so easily
90. I am lucky to have a supportive and helpful husband but PPR & PPD still got me good
91. Feeling like I’m always the default parent. He still gets to do his hobbies 
92. Im the default parent, but I feel like it should be equal. I always have to tell hm what to do in the household
93. I have a great, helpful husband, but to be honest I’m still annoyed by him lol
94. He got to do whatever he wanted and come and go as he pleased
95. Giving clear direction on things I needed help with was the only way. He’s not a mind reader 
96. Envy the fact the can pick up and go without worrying about anything 
97. He thinks going to work and changing a nappy once a week is doing his part
98. Wanted a divorce but when she was 1.5 years old it got better! PPA and rage didn’t help
99. My husband needs to be prompted for every task. It drives me nuts
100. I didn’t want to be touched and he became so needy. I felt like I had two babies to look after
101. I have to ask him to do every task I need him to do and sometimes he’ll simply say no
102. When he does yard work after his 9-5. And I’m again alone inside with baby
103. Couldn’t have loved him more for being supportive and loving our son the way he does 
104. He basically gets to tap out at night. Mom’s don’t get a single break in responsibilities
105. It’s frustrating to feel like the default parent or the only one that is aware of the less obvious things
106. He doesn’t seem to have any common sense or urgency. He expects me to give him jobs. So I’m planning for everything and everyone. .Not just the kids. Also blind to mess
107. 2 years now after I gave birth and I just want to kill him. Dude don’t look at me, and don’t touch me
108. Doesn’t feel like being a SAHM 24/7 is anything compared to the hard work he does
109. We do the same stuff everyday and he’s still clueless. Can’t locate anything on his own
110. He resented me for being focused on our baby and I thought he was being unreasonable           
111. My husband has never once helped over night .. we’re on our 4^th pregnancy
112. The mental load was just too much
113. Resentment lack of sleep. Never ending game who does the most. 
114. He could go to work while I sacrificed my career. It was painful 
115. My husband became more supportive than I thought possible 
116. Husband lives like he has no wife/child. Never home/out with friends til 7am every weekend
117. The divide between responsibilities became so great.. it ALL falls on the mom 
118. Kids always want me so I get no alone time 
119. I’m still mad about how he treated me after I had my baby even a year later
120. Has no me time .. I can’t  even pee alone .. oh and then wanting sex.. nope
121. He suddenly became the laziest most complacent “adult” to wonder the earth
122. It’s like as soon I had a baby it meant he never has to wash dishes again
123. He wants to parent like he did his NCO job in the army.. it’s too much
124. Life felt extra hard in postpartum. I felt like he didn’t empathize
125. It’s been 12 months. I just can’t stand him. Maybe it’s because I feel like I do everything.
126. They are free to come and go as they please
127. No matter how much they help there’s only so much they can do especially breastfeed
128. Mental load and anticipation of what needs to be prepared
129. Told my husband I felt depressed causing him to shut down so nothing changed 
130. He helps a lot but I feel like he avoids baby related stuff. Offers to do anything else though
131. My husband did so little during the night. Sleep through everything 
132. I became a complete feminist. It has been a constant struggle to get “equality” at home
133. My fuse was so short. I was jealous of his body/life
134. He has never taken the child so that I could have a sleep in. She is almost 3 now
135. They didn’t help as much as they should be and they can go to sleep
136. Key part missing in a lot of relationships is communication. TALK. Solve TOGETHER
137. My husband is more helpful than most but it’s hard carrying the mental load/decisions 24/7
138. Angry 1-3 months because I couldn’t keep up with baby + chores which = anxiety. He didn’t care. But now he’s so hands on with with baby and it melts my heart every day! I love him more
139. Felt like the world was on my shoulders and he didn’t get any extra responsibilities
140. He complains about me time. But had tons
141. Feeling like I couldn’t trust him alone with the baby. He wasn’t pulling his weight 
142. “What can I do to help”, I don’t know where his clothes are” That kind of stuff drives me nuts
143. He takes an hour long shower every morning but when I shower I have to rush 
144. I ask my husband for help and get gets mad at me for asking him for help. I’m so over it
145. I have never been more in love with, and connected to, my husband after we had kids
146. When he complains he’s tired because he didn’t sleep. But I’ve stood up with baby
147. As the mom, I want to do everything for my kid, then he gets mad because I get 0 help
148. Everything he does is annoying! But why?!
149. My hubby stays home, but I feel like I get no break. There’s no break for either of us, but I still get angry
150. Don’t hate him. He’s just annoying LOL. I’m tired, and the baby NEEDS me. I don’t NEED my husband
151. Husband didn’t help after baby came
152. We almost divorced. We’ve never fought so much in our 12 years. 
153. He went through PPD. He would start fights. Made my PPA/PPD way worse
154. Took 4 months of me explain how his words/actions were negatively affecting me 
155. My husband is on paternity leave for three months and he does nothing. Just golfs
156. He is the most incredible father; beyond supportive and always pitching in and helping out… as any husband should be
157. He didn’t invest in any learning about child development and still doesn’t read. I read and tell him.
158. I’m resenting him for his parenting style. Yelling and getting frustrated too easily
159. I barely get any sleep and get all the sleep because he has a “job”
160. We both work full time and yet I’ve became the default parent. It’s enraging
161. Everything he did irritated me 
162. He chooses to do ANYTHING. Else other than take care of the kids
163. Extreme resentment for the lack of intuition for parenting and didn’t try to learn
164. Mental load. He never cared to help out with the small tasks that would make everything easier
165. 17 months in and still feeling it. I want him to think proactively to help me and help with baby 
166. My husband works out after work while I make dinner, cook, clean etc. 
167. I became so scared of nighttime because he would treat us like a burden
168. I was resentful he wasn’t experiencing all the pain and sleeplessness and didn’t step up
169. No intuition. I spend so much time holding his hand on how to dad for so little effort in return
170. My husband left out 4 oz of pumped breast milk. I wanted to punch him so much
171. Not hate but major resentment 
172. Anytime I get sick he gets upset he has to help more
173. I pick up just as much after him as I do the kids
174. He can’t even handle all 3 at once by himself. But expects me to all the time. He’s lazy
175. Our relationship changed 100%. We’re in counseling, but I’m different now as a mom
176. My break was him taking little outside while I cleaned the kitchen and other chores
177. Hate is a strong word. More like jealousy or resentment that I felt more changed than him
178. He has the freedom to go see friends with no time limit. I can’t be home more than 2-3 hours 
179. His fear of not knowing what to do/how to help came out of anger
180. Used to resent him, however after nearly 3 years we have found our groove
181. We experienced the biggest changes ever so fast and deal with the clean uphill they try to watch or “help”
182. Only after the first one.. we sorted it all out by the second and it went much better!
183. I have to remind him when it is time for a diaper change
184. I am the only one who can get the baby to seep
185. Carrying the mental load of all things for what they baby needs and when things last happened.My days with the baby are SO long.
186. I carried all 3 and my body has changed. I am more than a mom I want to feel wanted 
187. He annoys me more than ever but I love him so much- kid free for 10 years then bam
188. Want to acknowledge that sleeping in on weekends is something only he gets
189. I felt like my whole life changed completely and his did not.
190. The way he “disciplines” our daughter just mean and aggressive and unnecessary 
191. Don’t agree with his style of parenting and feel like it affects our kid 
192. Still gets to do everything he loves. Guilt free
193. He doesn’t offer to hold baby so that I can have a meal 
194. Feels like life didn’t change for him. Exclusively breastfeeding so he just chills 24/7
195. My husband was my rock. I had PTSD from birth trauma. He stepped up massively
196. I went through postpartum. He wasn’t as understating as he should have been physically and mentally
197. I’d get frustrated that he didn’t get the hang of things as fast as I did. Useless basically 
198. I also hate how much he asks for sex after being gone at work all day every day
199. Sooo resentful that his life barely changed
200. I was trying to protect the child and all of the love went towards the child  
201. Feeling resentment when we both work but I’m still pulling the weight of home chores/task 
202. He does stuff, but ALL the emotional labor falls to me. He asks me how to do everything!
203. It’s like his life hasn’t changed, but I’m meant to be everything, do everything and give him attention 
204. Well he isn’t my husband but its like he can never put himself in my shoes 
205. Comes back to work to nap, doesn’t know how to play with baby, hands him over to me when he cries 
206. Having to ‘book in’ my own free time. When his is whenever he feels
207. I felt anger toward him for no reason in early PP months . He was doing everything right 
208. Not as hands on as me. Misses the important stuff for being on his phone 
209. Felt like he assumed I knew what I was doing ( I didn’t) and he got an out because he didn’t 
210. My husband can leave to go play 8 hoes while I have to ask to go the restroom  
211. Asks if he can go out a lot and gets mad when I say I’m finding it hard being on my own a lot