If you have resentment towards your partner after having children, you are not alone. 56% of our audience revealed they hated or resented their partners after children. We are sharing all the responses we received from our audience on why women resented their partners.
- Thinks he doesn’t need to help because baby prefers me anyway. But mom NEEDS a break!
- I contemplated divorce! Anything to get away from his useless ass
- Has his own ideas of how to help without asking what I need help
- He didn’t believe in PPD, he didn’t help me, we broke up when babies were 9 months
- It inherently feels like moms do more work taking care of kids 24/7
- My husband gets to go to bed early while I have to stay up to pump, wash bottles, do laundry
- Feeling resentment when he is home and not working
- I went through postpartum rage that made me freak out over small things! Only lasted 3-4 months
- They don’t clean up better than you so even when you’re off duty you have to clean up later
- I was doing all the night feeds and he wasn’t helping as much when he was home. Postpartum rage came
- Lack of initiative is so hard to manage. Always having to ask him for help
- Mixed. Loved seeing him as a father, but felt like he got it “easier” than me
- Resented that he didn’t change like I was forced to- physically, emotionally mentally
- He would sleep all night while I was up and wouldn’t even take baby so I can nap
- More myself but also hubby. Postpartum rage was no joke. I should’ve gotten help
- I feel like after 1 year, especially around 18 months it got so much better. But YES at first.
- I’m a WFH mom so automatically that means I take on the brunt of housework
- Even while pregnant the roles are uneven – all the prep/research falls on me
- Sex just isn’t the same
- He is just annoying! And doesn’t get ‘it’ sometimes
- He pretty much is letting me do all the work
- It was never 24/7 but it always felt like he didn’t have as many responsibilities
- Even when I’m off duty you’re not because he needs my help with what to do
- My husband asks 928,473 questions. When I know he is capable of just helping
- The freedom he has to go golf/football at weekends instead of choosing family time
- I have taken on the mental load of the household and he is ok to watch it happen
- Felt like everything he did was wrong and it became harder to trust him
- I hate that he needs to be asked to help/told specific instruction
- Still expecting me to do all homework and work on top of primary parenting
- He called me a bad mom during my 4th trimester and let my in laws take baby while I sleep
- I struggle with what seems like the kids have changed me, but they haven’t changed him. I want him to grow with me!
- Feels like my husband kept his freedom and I had to give mine up
- I’d just get bubba to sleep and he’d turn over and sore (nearly smothered him with a pillow)
- He got 8 hours sleep and I got 2. And he’d “offer” to help knowing he can’t BF the baby
- My husband is amazing when it comes to our kids and helping me! I got so lucky!
- He was a useless coparent and partner and I was abandoned.
- Jealous every time he left the house on his own. Breastfeeding meant I could never go far alone
- Wants to do things his way even if baby cries for longer. Won’t take suggestions
- Wants to help but gives up after 30 mins and passes baby back
- He didn’t work through his own mommy issues and it shows when I ask for help/support
- The CONSTANT complaining OMFG. We get it. You’re tired. WAH
- Doing all the work!
- He spends 3+ hours daily playing video games…..
- its like got a PP disorder too. Both of us together is just too much and we both have changed.
- Never got up to help wanted to sleep all the time until I finally told him. He ruined motherhood
- It feels like he gets so much time for himself than I do
- He provides an unbelievable amount of support I never thought possible.
- Being the default parent makes resentment grow!! Also, breastfeeding accentuates that
- Felt more distant. Invisible load of motherhood is unbearable. He left for work so it got worse 🙁
- After my first born I felt like he wasn’t assisting the way I would like. It’s better after baby number 2
- IDK if I hated my husband. I hated the he doesn’t know what to do.
- When you become a mom you change completely, but dads don’t.
- I did resent him at times. He still got his free time and I didn’t Being a dad is easier.
- We lost our first child at 14m old he left me, and eventually we got together.
- He decided to sleep with someone we worked with multiple times
- Yes. But it gets better. Carry on. Remember that a home with a mom and dad on the same team is better than having your kids go to their stepmoms every weekend.
- So much resentment and anger, felt like I was drowning and he just watched
- Helped a ton the first few weeks after that, had to ask for help anything child related
- Thinks when I say I’m exhausted that I’m talking only physically and that he gets to say he is too
- Sweetest guy before but never helpful after having my son 🙁
- I am the default parent and he gets to do what he wants when he wants
- Dads often ask moms 1 million questions like as if we have an answer book. Figure it out!
- He is taking 3 months parental leave and is treating it like a personal vacation
- My husbands been a God send. I couldn’t possibly do this without him. Guess I’m lucky!
- I love him and appreciate him more
- Wow some of the replies made me sad and thankful for my fiancé 100x more!
- Hate is strong, but deeply resented him. I did EVERYTHING. And that was a lot
- He goes to work and I stay home with our son. He gets frustrated when I want a break when he comes home
- Husband restfully sleeping while I nurse/pump, change diapers multiple times a night
- The “ work 12 hours a day I’m tired: makes me feel disregarded as being a SAHM
- No initiative! Like I shouldn’t have to say, hey how’s the baby’s diaper? Just check!
- Wash, clean, cook, shower kids, take oldest to school. Pick her up while he sleeps until 4pm
- I’m the default parent. I carry the mental load. He packs for 1. I pack for 4. He doesn’t get it.
- He has no grit. I always show up for our boys. Especially when it gets hard
- When he tells me “ I can’t do everything at the same time” example holding baby and cooking
- Blood boiling rage at times. Very seriously believed that we were headed for divorce
- He has no initiative and suddenly ALWAYS needs to take a dump
- I do everything
- I always have to ask for help. Never volunteers
- Filed for divorce at 9 months pp. Stayed, regret it now
- He threw away all his hats except for his dad hat
- It wasn’t specifically “him” it was the lack of sleep. Feeling touched out all the time etc.
- Can’t deal with cleaning up after him too and the little help with housework etc
- The mental load is extremely unbalanced. It is exhausting. Also EBF is so hard on mom
- I hate when I get a free moment to just rest, as soon as the baby cries, it’s always “he’s hungry”
- Def during the newborn phase when we were both sleep deprived! After 6 months mark, things just got MUCH better
- It’s not so much the physical load as the mental load
- I feel like I’ve been doing this on my own from the beginning
- He really wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was just EXHAUSTED and got annoyed so easily
- I am lucky to have a supportive and helpful husband but PPR & PPD still got me good
- Feeling like I’m always the default parent. He still gets to do his hobbies
- Im the default parent, but I feel like it should be equal. I always have to tell hm what to do in the household
- I have a great, helpful husband, but to be honest I’m still annoyed by him lol
- He got to do whatever he wanted and come and go as he pleased
- Giving clear direction on things I needed help with was the only way. He’s not a mind reader
- Envy the fact the can pick up and go without worrying about anything
- He thinks going to work and changing a nappy once a week is doing his part
- Wanted a divorce but when she was 1.5 years old it got better! PPA and rage didn’t help
- My husband needs to be prompted for every task. It drives me nuts
- I didn’t want to be touched and he became so needy. I felt like I had two babies to look after
- I have to ask him to do every task I need him to do and sometimes he’ll simply say no
- When he does yard work after his 9-5. And I’m again alone inside with baby
- Couldn’t have loved him more for being supportive and loving our son the way he does
- He basically gets to tap out at night. Mom’s don’t get a single break in responsibilities
- It’s frustrating to feel like the default parent or the only one that is aware of the less obvious things
- He doesn’t seem to have any common sense or urgency. He expects me to give him jobs. So I’m planning for everything and everyone. .Not just the kids. Also blind to mess
- 2 years now after I gave birth and I just want to kill him. Dude don’t look at me, and don’t touch me
- Doesn’t feel like being a SAHM 24/7 is anything compared to the hard work he does
- We do the same stuff everyday and he’s still clueless. Can’t locate anything on his own
- He resented me for being focused on our baby and I thought he was being unreasonable
- My husband has never once helped over night .. we’re on our 4th pregnancy
- The mental load was just too much
- Resentment lack of sleep. Never ending game who does the most.
- He could go to work while I sacrificed my career. It was painful
- My husband became more supportive than I thought possible
- Husband lives like he has no wife/child. Never home/out with friends til 7am every weekend
- The divide between responsibilities became so great.. it ALL falls on the mom
- Kids always want me so I get no alone time
- I’m still mad about how he treated me after I had my baby even a year later
- Has no me time .. I can’t even pee alone .. oh and then wanting sex.. nope
- He suddenly became the laziest most complacent “adult” to wonder the earth
- It’s like as soon I had a baby it meant he never has to wash dishes again
- He wants to parent like he did his NCO job in the army.. it’s too much
- Life felt extra hard in postpartum. I felt like he didn’t empathize
- It’s been 12 months. I just can’t stand him. Maybe it’s because I feel like I do everything.
- They are free to come and go as they please
- No matter how much they help there’s only so much they can do especially breastfeed
- Mental load and anticipation of what needs to be prepared
- Told my husband I felt depressed causing him to shut down so nothing changed
- He helps a lot but I feel like he avoids baby related stuff. Offers to do anything else though
- My husband did so little during the night. Sleep through everything
- I became a complete feminist. It has been a constant struggle to get “equality” at home
- My fuse was so short. I was jealous of his body/life
- He has never taken the child so that I could have a sleep in. She is almost 3 now
- They didn’t help as much as they should be and they can go to sleep
- Key part missing in a lot of relationships is communication. TALK. Solve TOGETHER
- My husband is more helpful than most but it’s hard carrying the mental load/decisions 24/7
- Angry 1-3 months because I couldn’t keep up with baby + chores which = anxiety. He didn’t care. But now he’s so hands on with with baby and it melts my heart every day! I love him more
- Felt like the world was on my shoulders and he didn’t get any extra responsibilities
- He complains about me time. But had tons
- Feeling like I couldn’t trust him alone with the baby. He wasn’t pulling his weight
- “What can I do to help”, I don’t know where his clothes are” That kind of stuff drives me nuts
- He takes an hour long shower every morning but when I shower I have to rush
- I ask my husband for help and get gets mad at me for asking him for help. I’m so over it
- I have never been more in love with, and connected to, my husband after we had kids
- When he complains he’s tired because he didn’t sleep. But I’ve stood up with baby
- As the mom, I want to do everything for my kid, then he gets mad because I get 0 help
- Everything he does is annoying! But why?!
- My hubby stays home, but I feel like I get no break. There’s no break for either of us, but I still get angry
- Don’t hate him. He’s just annoying LOL. I’m tired, and the baby NEEDS me. I don’t NEED my husband
- Husband didn’t help after baby came
- We almost divorced. We’ve never fought so much in our 12 years.
- He went through PPD. He would start fights. Made my PPA/PPD way worse
- Took 4 months of me explain how his words/actions were negatively affecting me
- My husband is on paternity leave for three months and he does nothing. Just golfs
- He is the most incredible father; beyond supportive and always pitching in and helping out… as any husband should be
- He didn’t invest in any learning about child development and still doesn’t read. I read and tell him.
- I’m resenting him for his parenting style. Yelling and getting frustrated too easily
- I barely get any sleep and get all the sleep because he has a “job”
- We both work full time and yet I’ve became the default parent. It’s enraging
- Everything he did irritated me
- He chooses to do ANYTHING. Else other than take care of the kids
- Extreme resentment for the lack of intuition for parenting and didn’t try to learn
- Mental load. He never cared to help out with the small tasks that would make everything easier
- 17 months in and still feeling it. I want him to think proactively to help me and help with baby
- My husband works out after work while I make dinner, cook, clean etc.
- I became so scared of nighttime because he would treat us like a burden
- I was resentful he wasn’t experiencing all the pain and sleeplessness and didn’t step up
- No intuition. I spend so much time holding his hand on how to dad for so little effort in return
- My husband left out 4 oz of pumped breast milk. I wanted to punch him so much
- Not hate but major resentment
- Anytime I get sick he gets upset he has to help more
- I pick up just as much after him as I do the kids
- He can’t even handle all 3 at once by himself. But expects me to all the time. He’s lazy
- Our relationship changed 100%. We’re in counseling, but I’m different now as a mom
- My break was him taking little outside while I cleaned the kitchen and other chores
- Hate is a strong word. More like jealousy or resentment that I felt more changed than him
- He has the freedom to go see friends with no time limit. I can’t be home more than 2-3 hours
- His fear of not knowing what to do/how to help came out of anger
- Used to resent him, however after nearly 3 years we have found our groove
- We experienced the biggest changes ever so fast and deal with the clean uphill they try to watch or “help”
- Only after the first one.. we sorted it all out by the second and it went much better!
- I have to remind him when it is time for a diaper change
- I am the only one who can get the baby to seep
- Carrying the mental load of all things for what they baby needs and when things last happened.My days with the baby are SO long.
- I carried all 3 and my body has changed. I am more than a mom I want to feel wanted
- He annoys me more than ever but I love him so much- kid free for 10 years then bam
- Want to acknowledge that sleeping in on weekends is something only he gets
- I felt like my whole life changed completely and his did not.
- The way he “disciplines” our daughter just mean and aggressive and unnecessary
- Don’t agree with his style of parenting and feel like it affects our kid
- Still gets to do everything he loves. Guilt free
- He doesn’t offer to hold baby so that I can have a meal
- Feels like life didn’t change for him. Exclusively breastfeeding so he just chills 24/7
- My husband was my rock. I had PTSD from birth trauma. He stepped up massively
- I went through postpartum. He wasn’t as understating as he should have been physically and mentally
- I’d get frustrated that he didn’t get the hang of things as fast as I did. Useless basically
- I also hate how much he asks for sex after being gone at work all day every day
- Sooo resentful that his life barely changed
- I was trying to protect the child and all of the love went towards the child
- Feeling resentment when we both work but I’m still pulling the weight of home chores/task
- He does stuff, but ALL the emotional labor falls to me. He asks me how to do everything!
- It’s like his life hasn’t changed, but I’m meant to be everything, do everything and give him attention
- Well he isn’t my husband but its like he can never put himself in my shoes
- Comes back to work to nap, doesn’t know how to play with baby, hands him over to me when he cries
- Having to ‘book in’ my own free time. When his is whenever he feels
- I felt anger toward him for no reason in early PP months . He was doing everything right
- Not as hands on as me. Misses the important stuff for being on his phone
- Felt like he assumed I knew what I was doing ( I didn’t) and he got an out because he didn’t
- My husband can leave to go play 8 hoes while I have to ask to go the restroom
- Asks if he can go out a lot and gets mad when I say I’m finding it hard being on my own a lot
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