A Journey I Never in a Million Years Saw Coming

A Journey I Never in a Million Years Saw Coming

“It’s a journey I never signed up for, a journey I never in a million years saw coming. But God did. Before I was even born, he saw my life as it looks today. 30, and childless. At times so angry at my body for not doing what I believe it was created to do.⠀

It’s been years of hurting at this point and I wish I could say it’s gotten easier. But it hasn’t. I’ve just gotten accustomed to the dull ache whenever a new announcement pops up on my timeline, or a cheeky baby coos at me in church, or the beautiful glow a friend has as she touches her bump.⠀

Maybe you’ve noticed, but the past few months, I’ve stopped posting about it & focusing on it. I had gotten to a point where I was so fixated on “fixing the problem” that I wasn’t slowing down enough to listen to the lesson God might’ve been teaching.⠀

Today it still hurts. I hate this journey but I love the way Gods changing me. I hate the pain, but I love the process of detaching joy from things that aren’t promised & re-attaching it to the only fulfilling source: Jesus ❤️⠀

I hate that every month I’m reminded of the truth, and every month that passes I feel my hope fading like a mist.⠀

I know God has a plan.⠀
Most days I’m so happy with where God has us in life right now. But just one day a month, I let myself fall apart, ache, mourn, hurt & sit at Jesus feet; me & him just to listen.⠀

The pain is welcome here.⠀
Pain can be a megaphone to teach us who God is, why he sent his Son & what we were created for. It reminds me that the world is not right, it’s not how it should be and one day, there will be RESTORATION. So that in these moments when life HURTS, and my heart shatters, I can find true, eternal healing & hope renewed.⠀

It wasn’t meant to be this way, for this life to have so much pain or suffering, and that’s exactly why I can choose joy in the hardest of spaces.⠀

Heartache proves God exists, sin exists, and the gift of grace through Jesus Christ is so desperately needed because through Him he is making all things new. I look forward to the day I don’t ache for what I can’t have & my needs will be fully met in the presence of my creator; the way it was always meant to be.”

Instagram: @sownwithstrength

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