What Not To Say & What to Say

What Not To Say & What to Say

I thought it would also be helpful to know what NOT to say to loved ones battling infertility. These are the most common unintentionally hurtful things people with the best intentions say. Here we go!

1. Why don’t you “just” adopt?
2. If you stop trying, that’s when it’ll happen.
3. Just relax. 😑
4. Have you tried lifting your legs over your head?
5. Have you tried….. (we have tried everything, hence the fertility clinic)
6. Soak up all your free time because once you have kids, all that stops. (Yes, infertility is so much better than having a family.)
7. My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant.
8. When are you having kids?
9. It’s in Gods hands. (To me, God doesn’t choose who is infertile just like He doesn’t choose to give a child cancer. God is not cruel. Bad things happen outside of His control. I have peace knowing God loves me and wants the best for me.)
10. “All” we can do is pray. (This is different from “I’m sending prayers.” If you want to pray for me, I will take it! ❤️ But saying that’s “all” we can do feels like a punch to the gut. For the past year, I’ve been researching everything I can about my condition to educate myself so that I can advocate for myself. I’ve been on crazy fertility diets and restrictions. I’ve missed family vacations, bachelorette trips, turned down income/weddings (I’m a wedding planner) because of fertility treatment. I’ve been poked, prodded and we are spending tens of thousands of dollars to hopefully get a baby. So no, that’s not all that we can do. I feel like I’m doing 1,000 things. I’m not arguing about religion or trying to hurt anyone. I’m telling you what is helpful and what is triggering to me. I love you all and appreciate all the prayers you can give while I’m juggling 1,000 other things to increase our chances of having a baby.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to listen. All we can truly do is try our best to be there for those we love. 💗”

Opening up about our fertility journey was the scariest and most rewarding decision we made. 💗We gained a support system we so desperately needed, but of course opening up comes with unsolicited advice and hurtful comments from people who have the best intentions. Infertility is uncomfortable 🥴 to talk about for most people and I truly believe they just don’t know what to say. If you have friends or family battling infertility and you don’t know what to tell them 🤷🏻‍♀️, ask them what they want to hear. I’ve had to tell my best friends and even my parents what to say to me and that’s okay! I’d rather spare both of us from any unintentionally hurtful conversations. They can literally say these things over and over. 😊 For me, you can’t go wrong with:
1. I love you.
2. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this / it’s not fair.
3. You are so strong.
4. You didn’t do anything wrong / it’s not your fault.
5. You deserve to be a mom.
6. I’m sending you all the prayers, good vibes & baby dust! ✨

Instagram: @the.casey.cottage

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