“I was worried my heart wouldn’t be able to love another child as much as I do Kai. With Kai, it was love at first sight. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Kenzo but his newness was a bit disarming. My initial recovery after Kenzo’s birth was also more taxing than with Kai’s. Kai was all I knew for almost four years. And then all of a sudden there’s a new baby, equally mine yet somehow unfamiliar.
I felt weirdly guilty being with him those first few days in hospital and not with Kai. As if I was having a strange parental affair. Then Kai met Kenzo and gave me his ‘approval’ (him jumping up and down counts as approval). I studied Kenzo’s face, we snuggled, we made more eye contact when he got out of that sleepy first days stage and my heart seemingly out of nowhere absorbed him. It’s like he had always been there, just not in physical form.
Turns out, my heart was holding space for Kenzo all this time.
How did you transition to your new child? Did you bond straight away or did it take some time?”